Christmas Carnage

So the eagerly anticipated day arrived and we had a good turn out. Toss, Wors, Clarkey, Pikey, Sam, Dickie and myself. We all made a good effort too with the tinsel and antlers. Weather wasn’t too bad either. After a bit of a photo session we sets off for a nice easy jaunt over to the Barn. Horrock Fold, Scout Road, Ciggy tunnel, Forest, Steps (which I rode!! Well chuffed) Kennels. The Kennel run was in a hell of a state, slippery as fook and took out Toss (over the Bars) and Dickie, who had a bit of a sideways slip. All I caught were his legs windmilling through the air. Fortunately we were all ok and regrouped at the bottom amid much smiling and laughter.

Quick blast along Georges Lane to the Pigeon tower, where only me, Wors and Sam did the ICR, the others electing for the safer option through the gardens. ICR was brilliant as ever, rocky loose and great fun. I could hear Wors’ brakes squealing right up my chuff all the way down. The others, taking the “safer” option all had moments mainly involving dogs in the Gardens. Dickie;s light was playing up so he took it easy to the barn.

Cracking buttie and carrot cake in the lower barn, as Wors got the scotch out so I topped up my brew. Nice and warming, turned out I needed it as by this time it was starting to rain outside. Clarkey and Wors then dropped the gayboy bombshell that they had no fookin intention of cycling back over the moor to the Bull and had infact arranged for Clarkey’s misses to pick up the poofters. This did not really come as a surprise as Wors had very vocally stated that he didn’t want to ride home from the pub. They passed us going up over Sheep House Lane, trying to waft the heated air out of the car in our direction. Bastards.

Rain was coming down pretty hard now so Me and Toss scooted down to Belmont as fast as we could and waited for the other guys at the playing field. It was here that Pikey’s chain decided it had had enough and twisted itself around the chainstay. He pushed the final few yards to the pub.

Settled in we proceeded to have the crack. Dickie and Pikey went to the bogs and came back fully changed into evening wear whilst me and Toss sat there stinking. A great night on the Ale, the crack was mighty, not laughed so much in months, however the beer was flowing a little too well. I have great tracts of time missing from my recollection of the pub. Cant remember Pikey, Dickie, Clarkey or Wors going at all. Looking at the time stamp on the Pictures, I “think” we left at about 12.30 in a dire state. Toss tells me he arrived at home at 2am. In the intervening 1.5 hours (the ride home should only take 20mins topside) carnage ensued. Toss fell off twice, I remember seeing him in a heap and stopped to help, only thing was I couldn’t stand up and fell flat on my arse. The worst thing however, was I managed to ride OVER the retaining wall on the Hill up to San Marino and ended up in the field, probably some 20’ lower than the road, bike and all.

In all honesty, not very proud of us for that trip home. The line was well and truly crossed. I propose a 6 pint limit henceforth. Toss’s injuries were sore collar bone, bruised hip and arm. I have a lump the size of an egg on my hip, scabs and scars on my shin and graze and bruise on my elbow. Bollocks to that for a game of soldiers.