Monday, 31 January 2011

unplanned big rides.

Legs were a bit tired on Saturday but the forecast for Sunday looked good. The gayboys had all mentioned that they were bumming each other so it was to be a solo.

Sunday dawned cool and fresh, the ground still frozen, so I set off round about 11.30 with nowhere in mind really. Up horrocks fold saw the legs ease up and the cycling got easier, so I hatched a plan to pop over to Healy Nab. Been meaning to shoot over and have a look at the trails for a while now and just not managed to get my shit together. Forest, Holdens, two lads and then flew down the Kennels, was proper slippery too. Didn't bother with the Pike, I'll bag that on the way back, battered the ICR, I was, literally awesome on it. Along the road and over Alance bridge, I thought I would take the headland to Watermans Cottage but the place was rammed with octogenarians, so I elected to take the back road. The singletrack bit was packed also, full of indignant offended fat fuckers who looked at me as though I had just bummed their misses and salted their garden for having the temerity to ride a bike on the same bit of footpath that they were sweating the fat fucking carcasses along. Cunts.

Past Waterman's and up through the quarry onto the Nab. Found the sign and had a good chinwag with a couple of rangers out picking up litter.

Again, more signs of that fact that we were near Rivington. Overburdened by its share of fat twattish sweating boils of humanity that wobble around this wonderful land and all they do is drop fucking litter. Cunts.

So, the trail. Very good. Would love to ride in the dry, but in the space they had available, they have made a pretty good fist of it. Perversely, I preferred the climb back up than the descents... I didn't ride the black though as we did that on a previous night ride, but the red was good fun.

At the trail head, I chucked it down the BW to Kelly farm and then to the Yew Tree. The Dam crossing was hilarious passing a warring det of drivers and horse riders who had got themselves into a state of gridlock on the double parked dam... funny as fuck, the thick twats.

More wanker dodging along yarrow and then along the shore to the lower barn. Really fancied a brew but hadn't brought a lock and didn't want to leave my bike unattended in such company. Up the road to the upper barn and had a quick chinwag with some bikers... then started the climb up to the pike. Slalom past all the filth walking back down with their fat kids in tow, reached the bottom of the ICR and started the quick climb up. Head down and fuck everyone else, I was soon at the Bungalow. Further push and the Pike was bagged. Here, I was exposed to a hardcore estate dwelling sub human species. 2 lads and 2 "girls", waste deep in empty tins of Stella, throwing random profanities at all the people toiling up the stairs to the pike. I really do despair.

Blasted it down to the gate, up the Kennels and the up to the Hill. Soon as I joined the road, I could see on the horizon some sort of blue thing. All the way up the climb I was wondering what the fuck it was, half on the road half off it. I only clocked it about 30 yards away, a fucking thunderbox!! on its side. I could only guess that it had fallen of the collection wagon on the way back down and the lazy twat couldn't be arsed to put it back on the wagon.

Down San Marino. It was ace. Frozen and fast with a bit of sheet ice after the stream crossing which nearly had me tumbling through the undergrowth.

At the bottom, I still felt pretty good and didn't want to go home so I headed over to Blow Job Alley. Passing San Marino and hey fucking ho... I see Samuri's Dildo.

Somewhat dirtier than last week, I can only assume that it was freshly pulled when Jon saw it. It was proper wobbly and had the consistency of a jelly as I punted it down the road. I was half tempted to wash it and give it Deb as a leaving present.

Road past BJA and up the hill to the GayBye. 3 distinct and const5ructed entrances the bummers have made into the woods now. All with fluorescent markers on the trees to aid short sighted bummers in finding the right bit of forrest for a bit of bum action. Green Arms and then WW to Lucas' house. Tip, higher ridings and home ended a fookin brill day out.

32 miles and 4.5k climbing. I'm pretty chuffed with that in 3.5 hours, but my legs were toasted last night.

The only thing that ruined it was seeing the scum over Rivi again. I keep telling myself to not bother going over there on a weekend, and with good reason. Scum sucking wankers.

6 comments:

Mike said...

Quality read Lowey.

Danny (yoshimi) said...

Sounds like an ace local ride - 'estate dwelling subspecies' and fat boils of humanty sweating around - nicely put.:)

Julbags said...

You do have a way with words. Rivington at the weekend is a frustrating experience. Last time I did it the place was covered in snow and aparently for some sections of the community (the estate dwellers no doubt) that means that picking up your dog's crap is no longer necessary, just leave it there on the snow for all to see. I ranted all the way up to the pigeon tower on that one, though it was started off by a proper/resonsible dog owner moaning about it first, there was loads of it around and she'd picked some of it up but gave up in the end.

Toss said...

Absolute Quality Scribing there Nibbs. Awesome use of adjectives! Loved it and well done on the ride! EPIC! T

Mad Scientist said...

I'm Toss's mate and have just laughed my tits off at that, mate you should write biking reviews for a magazine, albeit an adult one but I think all rides should be documented in such a fucking beautifully honest way...."hardcore estate dwelling sub human species" love it, hope to finally meet you at some point! Keep it up

Weester said...

Hahahahahahaha.

Genius!